My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Randomize
