I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
is that a dick in a sweater?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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