Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
