Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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