i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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