yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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