I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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