I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
