i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
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We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
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I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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