alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You took a bar mat shot.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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