you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
