don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Randomize
