my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
