I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
