i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just gargled with NyQuil
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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