Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
