I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
