i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
