There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
