turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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