Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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