the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
