thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
