Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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