I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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