I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
