he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
