WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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