Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
