it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
