theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm sobbing to NWA
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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