Just fell off a train. Bad.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
