Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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