dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
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