Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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