I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
