first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
