Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
