she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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