I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
tell me about the eggs
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