Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
