clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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