I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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