the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
