So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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