today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You are the jesus of drinking
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
