Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
