He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
