Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
