Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
