I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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