he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
