Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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