TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
