She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
