so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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