And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
