i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
