He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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