I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
