Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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