I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
