Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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