Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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