Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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