Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
