I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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