i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
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My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
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His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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