she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
