I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
