Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
