Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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