I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
