Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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