Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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