and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
