Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
