The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
