Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
