And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
